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basecode: Nurul AtiQah
Edit by: Cikmimin
Re-Edited By: cik kiah *wut-wut*
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C for my thesis...

Banyak perkara yang jadi.
In short, ayuni sendiri tak kenal diri dia.. 

I already promised to myself  I won't rebelled anymore. 

But then, I broke my promised last semester. 

And due to my actions I got C  for my thesis. 
Yes, siapa yang tak kecewa dengan result macamtu. 
Lagi2 seorang Ayuni tak penah dapat C. and C is rarely happened in our department. 

So, can you guess how was my feeling when I got the result?

Dah takda nangis dah. Sebab penat menangis nak siapkan mende alah tu. Penat torture mental. 

I am not that dissapointed with C because I knew it was my mistake for not showing the first draft (which was I should send to my SV) but the thing is, my SV words is too much. 

I considered his action was degrading people. That was why I rarely met him for my thesis. 
My mistake right. Blame me. but then I felt part of it was his mistake for not appreciating my effort. Calling it as useless, sampah, nothing... By that time, I totally felt like I was the most stupidest person in UM. 

So, basically, my mental had been tortured. 

For a year I tried to pretend like everything will be alright. Everyday, I need to say to myself that ignore him. and keep focus on what you need to do. 
And, I failed.

I had a sleep-disorder because of stress. This thing happened for a year actually, but then it became worse for the second semester which was last semester. After I realized it's not worth to sacrifice my precious sleep and emotion to him, I try to be like 'lantak kaulah nak jadi apa, asalkan siap!'..  (originally, I planned to fail)

So, what I want to say is, dear people in the world, please do not degrade people. Jangan rasa diri hebat sangat sampai nak judge, masa depan orang. Calling people as GRO which is obviously takde kaitan dengan thesis. Mulut jangan longkang sangat, karang termakan diri. 

And dear people who got failed or lower score, do not loose your confidence. Keep walking, face it and work hard to prove, even you are failed you can achieve what you want. Dare to dream. because a brave people is always a  winner.



Bodoh




Sekarang

Aku

Rasa

Bodoh 

Sangat





Low-Confidence.



Run



I guess blogging is one of my way to express my sadness and miserable life.

***
I need a hiding place where nobody can find me.
Nobody can scold me
Nobody will rank me

Just a place between me and my fantasy.



Escapism



Escapism.

Dari semalam layan drama 
bila habis satu drama 
terus cari dan cari

Sebab tak nak bangun dari dunia realiti
terus hidup dalam dunia yang diri sendiri cipta

ohh, dengan bantuan drama.

macam-macam fantasi muncul.

Dari tiba-tiba seorang putera datang selamatkan, 
dari fikir macam-macam kemungkinan,
tiba-tiba jadi salah satu karakter dalam drama.
berlakon je, ikut skrip. 
Ikut skrip yang dah tau penghujung.

Seronoknya macamtu. 

Tak rasa takut dengan esok hari. 
sebab semuanya dah dijangka

seronok. Itu perasaan sepanjang tengok drama.

sebab tu tak nak berhenti tengok drama. 

walaupun ramai orang cakap 
dunia drama ni pura-pura,
sedar hakikat tu
tapi tetap 
butakan mata dan pekakkan telinga.

sebab dengan cara macamtu
hati jadi tenang
seolah-olah macam harapan  baru
kononnya esok tak ada apa pun jadi. 
It will be alright.

Salah ke macam ni? 



No tittle



Dan sekali lagi 
aku masih dalam escapism 



Lari




Sebagai tanda lari dari realiti
bawak diri masuk fantasi

angan-angan seolah watak utama drama
konon ada putera raja selamatkan 
datang dengan kereta kuda
tiba-tiba muncul pari-pari yang entah dari mana
dengan baju lawa, emm.. baju idaman mungkin

ketara sungguh fantasi.

Hakikatnya, cuma lari dari realiti
tenangkan hati dan perasaan 
esok, everything is gonna be alright. 

dan dengan lari dari realiti 
terus cipta fantasi
sampai rasa boleh terima kenyataan

jadi
ni boleh dikira sebagai luahan tak? 





No tittle



There is a certain time you want to give up but you can't because you know there is always tomorrow.
Sometimes, you want to regret but you know you can't because you already made the decision.

Aku mengaku. Bersendirian dalam masa yang lama bukan yang terbaik. Lagipun, kau memerlukan seseorang yang faham budaya, perilaku dan ucapan untuk luahkan apa yang kau rasa. 

Sampai sekarang, aku tak mampu nak luahkan dengan perkataan. Aku hanya mampu menangis sebagai tanda hati aku sakit.